


Pocket Fun Times

by YuMe89



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Cussing, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Other, Pocket Fun Times, Rude Crowley, Snake Crowley, attempt at crack, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 04:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20108908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuMe89/pseuds/YuMe89
Summary: Crowley wants to escape an unpleasant situation and turns himself into his snake form, the miniature version.He decides that Aziraphales pocket is the ideal hiding spot.______I really don't want to give away too much, because it's so short.





	Pocket Fun Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phoenix_Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Rose/gifts).

> So, this is my attempt at crack, I really don't know if I got it right, it's the first time I wrote something like this.  
It's set somewhere in the 90s, before their time as Godparents.  
I had too much fun writing Crowley, he ended up being a rude, suicidal (not really) fucker.
> 
> Also, it's completely Phoenix_Rose's fault xD

First things first: It was an accident, not intentional or an elaborate plan. Crowley, currently chilling in Aziraphales pocket of his waistcoat, looked up at the Angel with tiny yellow eyes, meeting undezipherable hazel. 

_"Is there something wrong, Aziraphale?", Gabriel asked, his tone not really interested in anything the Angel he adressed could've said._

_Said Angel turned his gaze towards his boss. "No, tip-top, tickety-boo."-"Gnaah.", another voice was heard, just a bit muffled._

But let's start from the beginning, to shed some light on that particular situation.

On a perfectly ordinary day in London, the demon Crowley and his acquaintance Principality Aziraphale, former Guardian of the Eastern Gate walked side by side, coming from a rather ostentatious lunch at the Ritz. 

They rounded a corner and Crowley suddenly froze, noticing Hastur and Ligur in a darker-than-usual-at-this-time-of-day alley, coming towards them. They obviously hadn't seen him, just knew about the distinct area he should've been at, like most days, when they contacted him. 

Today was not a day he fancied a conversation with either of them and he decided in a short fraction of time, to turn in a teeny tiny snake and slither inside Aziraphales pocket in a _fuck that shit, I'm out_ kind of way. 

Before Aziraphale had any idea what was happening, the demon already arranged himself in his pocket. "Crowley, what on Earth?!", he said exasperated and a bit flustered. 

"_Ssssssmite them._", said a hissing voice out of his pocket. 

The Angel looked around, suddenly feeling the evil that made it's way towards him and spotting Hastur and Ligur. 

"I'm not doing your dirty work!", Aziraphale said indignated, about to leave the whole situation himself.

"_Sssmite them, they're evil. You're doing your job._", the voice said, too amused. 

"You have a point, my dear.", and just as he was about to indeed smite them, he heard a heavenly call, just seconds before he was forcibly summoned. "Oh no."

"_Wot?_", the hissing voice said, but it was too late, they were both in Heaven. 

"Aziraphale!", Gabriel greeted him, like he was an unannounced guest. "Glad you're here."

"_Fucker._", something hissed back.

Violet eyes looked at Aziraphale, as if he just badmouthed God Herself. "What was that?"

"Uhm, Sucker, it's some kind of...Lollipop. It's something you...suck on. It's sweet.", knowing full well Gabriel had no idea about Human food, he tried to explain it that way. Hoping Crowley would shut his hissing mouth.

Gabriels face contorted into one of disgust. "...Yeah.", he said, clapping suddenly as if to go on with whatever he had planned before and stopped short, pointing at Aziraphales gut, who hyperventilated silently and on the inside, out of fear that Crowley had been noticed. "You should stop sullying your vessel. You're getting rather...plump.", on that note he turned around, leading Aziraphale to a miniature Earth. 

"_Fucking asshole._", his pocket hissed. "Shh.", the Angel shushed.

Gabriel faced him again, showing him the small Earth. "Seeing, that you mastered your last assignment, I am happy to announce your next task. You see this small Island needs a few Blessings. God wants a miracle Child being born there, it's tricky, but we think you're the right one for that job.", he smiled, pleased with himself. He didn't have to know, that Crowley had mastered his last assignment due to their arrangement.

"_Sssssssucker._", his pocket hissed. He looked down, the slightest bit angry and definitely afraid Gabriel could find out. Here we are now:

"Is there something wrong, Aziraphale?", Gabriel asked, his tone not really interested in anything the Angel he adressed could've said.

Said Angel turned his gaze towards his boss. "No, tip-top, tickety-boo."-"_Gnaah._", another voice was heard, just a bit muffled and sounding annoyed.

"What was that?", the Archangel asked, taking a step towards Aziraphale, who took one back.

"Uh, it's, uhm...you see...technology.", Aziraphale stuttered and pressed his hand over his waistcoat pocket, as it began to giggle. It gave an indignated sound upon the pressure. 

Gabriel didn't look convinced, with his brows furrowed and suspicion in his eyes. "Technology? What kind of...technology? Surely there is some way to turn it off?"

"It's not really easy to turn off.", he tried, a muffled giggle again, he slapped his pocket a bit. Drawing Gabriels attention to it.

"Can I see, what kind of technology?", he asked, wanting to see proof for whatever Aziraphale discribed. He didn't want to say he lied, but...he seemed shifty for an Angel of the Lord. 

Aziraphale tried his hardest to come up with something Human, that would explain random sounds and remembered an article he read in a magazine at his barber a few days ago. "It's called a Tamagochi. Little bugger, wants to be fed and played with." He hoped Crowley knew about them and would miracle it inside his pocket to show Gabriel and truth be told, there it was, as he let his fingers glide into it. For a split second he felt Crowleys smooth scales with his fingertips. Then he presented the Tamagochi. "_Sssucker!_", it hissed. 

Gabriel inspected it. "It feels...evil.", he said, uncertain if he should touch it.

"Oh, yeah, it'll keep every human up at night and all day. Very time consuming and evil.", Aziraphale bullshitted his way out.

"Why do you have it then?", the Archangel wanted to know, still looking at the small colourful eggshaped thing with buttons cautiosly. 

"A customer forgot it at my bookshop. I have it for savekeeping, until he comes back to collect it.", the Angel explained, with a smile. 

"How...noble of you.", was all Gabriel had to say to that, turning his eyes away again.

"_I hate you._", hissed it, well, Crowley. 

"It's rather rude. I'm sorry.", the Principality intervened. Gabriel seemed to have lost interest. 

"_Bastard._", Crowley on the other hand took it as invitation.

Aziraphale was getting flustered again, it was a bit amusing, but still dangerous for Crowley. Gabriel could end him here in Heaven. 

"So, you see this Island right there? That's your destination, I will send more details to Earth.", Gabriel had chosen to ignore those insults. 

"_Please die._"

But that didn't mean his face displayed not a large array of irritation. 

"Perfect. I'll be at my bookshop then.", Aziraphale turned around to leave, not noticing, how Gabriel looked after him. Still unsure why something humans created would say such rude things. 

Back in the bookshop, Crowley turned back into his human shape. "That was fun."

"No, it wasn't. He could've _destroyed_ you!", Aziraphale reprimanded him. 

"But he didn't. I'm impressed you know about Tamagochis.", Crowley commented, rounding the Angel as usual. 

"It was dumb luck. Ineffable. You are not to stay in my pocket again, when I'm off to Heaven.", the Angel said, going to his backroom to prepare tea. 

"But otherwise I can?", he called after Aziraphale. Smirk overtaking his face. 

"I didn't say that."-"But you didn't deny it just now."

Silence.

"I'm sorry you couldn't see Gabriels face, my dear, it was rather fun.", said Aziraphale in a bitchy tone, just to annoy Crowley that he missed out on the display of irritation and bafflement.


End file.
